Storyliving

Pursue a fun life. Tell magnetic stories. Change in the world.

I went over to my friends place who is also a fellow entrepreneur and she expressed he frustration with the whole game of building a business.

“Honestly…” she said, “I don’t even know if I want to be a coach. I just want to dance!”

Man, do I feel that. I’ve been there many times.

I quit engineering to become a personal trainer because I wanted to meaningful work and help people. While I was pursuing that I was also growing my photography business as a CrossFit photographer. I went through a wave of just wanting to be an artist, so in February of 2019 I told myself, “I am going to become the Colorado CrossFit photographer. If you were a CrossFit gym and was hosting a competition or needed headshots, you’d think of Matt Allyn as your first and only choice.”

It was going so well that I ended up on the CrossFit media team in February of 2020 shooting one of the biggest competitions in Miami, Florida, Wodapalooza (WZA).

It was the final night of competition and I was on the main floor shooting the biggest names in CrossFit. The day before the CrossFit media director told me out of all the photographers, my photos were the best. I was on cloud nine.

Between heats as the judges reset the competition floor I’d find myself dancing in the corner of the competition floor. Just vibin. Feeling myself. I felt so alive.

“It’s all happening! I got an in with the media team for future gigs. I will go back to Colorado with all these shots of the world’s top CrossFitters and it will be the catalyst for booking out jobs for the rest of the year!!”

Then suddenly I thought, “So this is it then? I’m a CrossFit photographer? Are my photos really helping people? Is this the meaningful work I’ve been seeking?”

I was getting everything I worked so hard for and was asking for. But my soul had this deep desire that I couldn’t shake. I knew I was meant to be doing something more than this.

Luckily for me, we entered the pandemic a month later and I was “forced” to build my online business and get back to the meaningful work of coaching.

This was such an important experience. I never know what I’d truly want if I didn’t allow myself to explore my desire to become the Colorado CrossFit photographer. I had to pursue that artistic desire that made me come alive.

So, I asked my friend if she was prioritizing dance.

She told me she went to the dance studio to sign up for their open studio hours and when she looked up their schedule she noticed they took away the open studio hours. He frustration grew. Why wasn’t she able to do just dance?!

As highly self aware people, we know we’re supposed to be in the energy of manifestation and abundance and acting as if what we want is already here, but we don’t actually do that. When we listen to our soul’s desires and take bold action but God doesn’t deliver, we pour ourselves into rumination. Why is this happening. What does this mean? How did I manifest this?

I asked her, “How do you know God isn’t setting you up for something better? Why do you assume you know exactly how it’s supposed to work? Was it really supposed to be this dance studio you are supposed to be dancing at? How are you so certain? Are you even supposed to be dancing in a studio?”

She chuckled and said, “yeah so I can go hide in a studio and make sure nobody sees my self expression.”

We smiled at each other.

I told her about this guy I follow on Instagram, @charlesressler, who dances in city squares with headphones and is transmuting negative energy of himself and those around him through his expression.

It’s so beautiful and it’s extremely bold. Lots of people look at him like he’s nuts. The police constantly question him even though he’s doing nothing wrong… he just looks crazy because this kind of self expression isn’t “normal.” That’s all it is. And people are afraid of things outside the norm.

I offered her this because maybe she would see that her options to dance are actually limitless.

BECAUSE THEY ARE!

We pretend we know exactly how things are supposed to but we don’t! And when things don’t go how we planned we shut down. We ruminate. And when that becomes your immediate reaction you close your awareness off to the better thing God has planned for you.

God is never saying, “nope! you can’t dance!”

He’s saying, “Yes!! Do that!! But I actually have something better planned for you!!”

My friend replied to a voice note I left her the next day and said, “yeah because if something is exciting and brings you joy, why would it be blocked?”

Exactly! It wouldn’t be!

God wants you to fully express yourself so you can experience more joy, excitement and love so you can and he’s got a way better plan for you.

Highly self aware people have practiced identifying masterful self awareness with figuring out why they are who they are, but never truly knowing. They have learned the game of rumination is the safest place to be, which means the unknown is the least safe place to be. Only if they understand why they are this way and how they’ve attracted all this into their life, then they will be free to be, do, and have everything they want.

But that day never comes because you don’t actually want it to come. Since you can’t really ever know anything for sure, you never have to actually go after what you truly want and become who you truly dream of being (the unknown).

This isn’t self awareness. It’s self destruction. (fuck, I swear chatgpt didn’t write that line)

True self awareness would be to realize you’re in love with ruminating and actually afraid of not needing to know. To see that your fear of the unknown is actually the thing holding you back and causing the most pain in your life and, once you loving notice that, to make a change.

The change?

You must rewire your brain to fall in love with the unknown.

If your instinctual reaction to things not going your way becomes, “Oh cool, God has something better planned for me. Sickkkkk!!! I can’t wait to see what it is!!” then your life will change because your awareness is open to noticing the better opportunities God is trying to shove in your face. If it’s rumination, then you’ll always miss those opportunities.

This is a practice. To catch yourself in the moment and, without shaming yourself, change your immediate thought. To stop ruminating and to just know God’s got your back. Overtime, this becomes who you are. A person who truly trusts in the unknown magic of the universe.

You don’t even need to force the magic. You already know what it feels like to love the thing you’re pursuing more of, now you simply need to keep your eyes and ears open and accept the offering when it arrives.

Now the question becomes, what do you want?

No, not what you think you should want… what do you really want?

I challenge you to journal on this question everyday for 30 days and see how specific you can get each time. Don’t try to understand why you want what you want, just allow yourself to own what you want with no apologies or justification.

Most people won’t do this, but if you’re the one reader who does, you’ll learn something truly magical about yourself.

God rewards those who ask for what they want.

I want to do meaningful work and make good money.

Great start. But be specific. What is good money?

$250,000/year.

Awesome.

What is meaningful work?

I want to help people pursue their deepest desires. I want to help others fall in love with life. I want to help people have more fun in their pursuit of their deepest desires. I want to help people own the truth of who they are by sharing their stories with the world.

Every day you will get a little closer, but let me put you on to something… This will be your greatest test, so be careful what you ask for. You better really want it because you will be asked to become this person before you can receive it.

Can I too have fun and fall in love with life even while being in a city I want to leave, without a car to get around in and no friends texting me to hang out this weekend? Or will I collapse like the old version of me?

When you are clear on what you want, can you take bold action and enjoy the ride while you let go of all your expectations of how it HAS to go?

Yesterday, my friend was driving out to a weekend retreat and when she got there she was excited to continue to pursue her soul’s desire to dance. She went to the yoga studio to dance only to see that it was closed.

lol. Of course it was.

Remember a week ago she told me, “yeah so I can go hide in a studio and make sure nobody sees my self expression.”

You already know, if you keep being and doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting offered the same lesson until you behave differently.

She took a deep breath and, instead of ruminating, knew god was offering her something better. She chose to go on a run instead and in the middle of her run saw an empty outdoor basketball court. She saw her gift from god, stopped her run, put on her favorite songs and went out on the basketball court to dance and felt ALIVE!!!

Once you get into the practice of feeling safe in the unknown, it’s easier to notice the gifts from God and it’s easier to feel alive more often.

Now that you are open to God’s gifts and you are doing more of what you love, my final question today is, how do you know that feeling alive isn’t the thing thing that helps you have everything you want?

How does my friend know that dancing in the park isn’t the thing that will bring her new opportunities?

Could the unapologetic love of dancing raise her vibration, make her feel so alive, that being in this energy is what grows her relationship facilitation business?

Could dancing in public and feeling alive lead to dancing becoming her full time income?

What might that look like?

I have no clue. Needing to know is the same old rumination pattern. I just know that behaving this way and doing these things feels good and when I let go of needing to know, I trust that God will offer me something I never could have thought of.

During my latest launch of the Art of Storyliving, I had less than a week left to fill my 10 spots.

I only had one filled.

If you’ve ever launched a product before you know about the downward launch spiral that can come with this. Anxiety and fear was taking over. I began overthinking every marketing email and piece of content. I was ruminating in the “why, why, why?!”

Then I caught myself and knew things had to change. I had to take the remaining days to release my grip and trust the unknown. I committed to making meditation my priority. Specifically this 50 minute Joe Dispenza meditation that I would do every morning.

This practice alone has been making me feel so ALIVE. I brought these feelings into the rest of my day, simply reminding myself that I will do my best work and hand over my creations to God.

Later that day I filled two spots.

The next day I filled two more.

I closed the launch with 6/10 spots filled and stayed in the energy of gratitdue for these 6 people and trusting, “how do I know that only getting 6 spots filled isn’t the best thing for me? How do I know that God isn’t planning something perfect for me?”

Then, after our first call Monday night, I woke up this message the next morning:

In what world would I have said, “I’ll fill one more spot by crushing the first call and then someone in the group is going to be so excited about the work that he won’t shut up about it to his girlfriend that she’s gonna sign up!!”

Of course, I could have never predicted that. But I was putting my trust in the unknown and loving how it all works out.

It seems at least twice a year I want to burn my whole business down, say fuck coaching, and just be an artist. I don’t want to have to teach people how to pursue fun lives and share their stories online. I just want to pursue fun and share my stories.

I remind myself of that day on the WZA competition floor and remember that I’ve been there before. I’ve been an artist but what I always really desire to the meaningful work of coaching. So I resist burning it all down and focus on my “life’s work.”

Yet, I seem to make another crucial mistake. Thinking that I have to be one thing and that any of life is separate.

Anxiety begets anxiety.

Fear begets fear.

Likewise, love begets love.

Energy, excitement, and joy beget energy, excitement and joy.

Nothing in life is separate.

I get to do it all.

I get to be an artist and go play open mic nights because they make me feel alive.

I get to be an athlete and take the afternoon off to play 2 hours of tennis because it makes me feel alive.

I get to do Joe Dispenza meditations because they make me feel alive.

I get to be a coach and help people tell their stories because it makes me feel alive.

How do I know that playing open mic night doesn’t help me find a new best friend to play tennis with?

How do I know that playing tennis doesn’t inspire my best newsletter?

How do I know that sitting at a coffee shop writing this newsletter doesn’t attract the girl at the table next to me to flirt with me?

How do I know all of these things that make me feel alive don’t help achieve my greatest desire to change more lives?

I don’t.

What I do know is that I have goals that I think will make me feel more alive. Instead of waiting to reach those goals to feel alive, why not just do the things that make me feel alive? And ruminating certainly doesn’t make me feel more alive.

Like attracts like.

When I feel alive I no longer have to chase my goals but my goals come chasing me.

With love,

Matt